Whether you frequently speak at weddings or have yet to be the one at the mic, it is never too late to elevate your wedding toast writing skills. Toasts are a beautiful way to express your love for the celebrated couple but can often become repetitive when an entire wedding party presents similar speeches. Thankfully, finding a unique way to honor the newlyweds is not out of reach, and with a few simple tips, you will be writing standout wedding toasts in no time!

We chatted with communication expert Karen Cortell Reisman, CEO of Speak for Yourself, and wedding planner extraordinaire Karli Spangler, owner and creative director of Karli Spangler Events. Karen and Karli offer their advice on what are the most important things to consider as you prepare to give a wedding toast.

1. Introduce yourself in a creative way.

The first step in making your wedding toast unique is to start it in a creative way. “You need to introduce yourself and make it known what your relationship is to the couple,” says Karli. “But the quote ‘for those of you who don’t know me…’ is hilariously used in almost every speech, so I would avoid that phrase.” Instead, try opening with a brief story of how you met the bride and/or groom or just introduce yourself and move on with the rest of the speech. You only have a few minutes, so make every second count.

2. Include a personal story.

Chances are, you know the couple in a way that no one else does. Whether you are the best man, mother of the bride, or another key wedding party member, you have a unique perspective on the couple and their relationship. If you choose to share some words of wisdom, Karen advises to keep it short. “Use a story around the bride, how you know the bride, or how you know they met,” she suggests. “Use a personal story no one else would share.”

3. Avoid inside jokes.

Sharing inside jokes might seem like a fun way to share your connection to the couple and get a few laughs, but at the end of the day, they might make your toast fall flat. “They are inside jokes and everyone else is on the outside,” says Karli. “So they are great way to get an awkward pause or some dead air [from the guests].” Karen adds that if you absolutely want to share a joke in your speech, she advises running it by the couple first. “I would get a green light from the bride and groom,” she says. “All in all, be inclusive, take the high road, and be heartfelt.”

4. Don’t fret about memorization.

When giving your toast, you want to make sure you are coherent and making eye contact, but Karen reminds us that you shouldn’t feel like you have to be perfect. “You are not the hired entertainer,” she says. “You can get up there with your notes, and you don’t have to memorize it. The one thing I will suggest is that you please do not wing it.” Using your phone or notecards to read from is fine but skip the multiple sheets of paper, as you don’t want to deal with flipping pages or navigate reading in difficult lighting. If you choose to memorize anything, Karen recommends reciting the first and last sentences without the help of your notes.

5. Think outside the box.

Try adding in another element to your speech like bringing in a framed photo or a prop to reference. If you are not a key member of the wedding party, consider pairing up with a friend and giving your toasts together. And for those who like to plan ahead, get the band involved! Karli shares one of her fondest memories giving a toast where she paired up with another member of the bridal party.  “The other maid of honor and I coordinated with the band to have a musical instrumental introduction for us,” she says. “It got everyone’s attention and really highlighted the speech.”

6. Remember proper etiquette.

Always thank the hosts of the event, whether that is the parents of the bride, parents of the groom or the bride and groom themselves, and be sure to avoid using bad language or any “roasting” of the couple. “This is a day full of love and you should show how much you love the couple rather than embarrassing them in front of friends and family,” says Karli.

7. Keep it short.

When writing your speech, plan to keep it under four minutes—less if there is an open mic and multiple people are speaking. If you share any words of wisdom, keep those short as well. Focus instead on both the bride and groom, and if you only know one well, be sure to also acknowledge their partner in your speech.

8. Speak from your heart.

Make your speech unforgettable by including plenty of humor, good stories, and a sense of love that shows by what you say, says Karen. And no matter what you choose to share, Karli says, “Any speech that is spoken from the heart is always taken well. I’ve never seen a speech given from the heart that has landed poorly.”

9. Give a toast!

After you have shared a few words about the couple, conclude your speech with the toast. Karen says her favorite way to end a speech is to raise a glass and wish the couple a life-long marriage filled with humor, adventure, and grace.

10. Prep for your toast with the essentials below!